It's 2010

And boy have things changed.

I'm not typically this neglectful, but I guess I've been pretty busy. With stuff. Although really, I got a bit wrapped up in Facebook. I was on it. Alot. It kind of took over my life. I was creeping on EVERYONE's FB page. Looking at pictures of people I don't even know. Michael: 'Oh, who's wedding is that?' Me: 'I have no idea. It's a friend of So-and-so's friend'. Three degrees of separation between me and the happy couple. Pathetic. So I trimmed the fat, took it down to 70ish 'friends'. My criteria? NO FARMVILLE. Seriously I don't give a fuck how much grain you've grown, I care more if you can say that 5 times real fast. Then maybe I'll consider keeping you around. I check in on FB a few times a day now. I've really done well. I've got better things to occupy my time. Like my BABY. That's right folks. I had one. And he's gorgeous.

I never thought I'd do it, and then we did it. A few times, until finally it was the right time and ta-da: Baby Thomas arrived on May 19th 2010. The love of my life. The light of my life. I never thought it was possible to love this much. It's a different kind of love, a kind of magic. When he looks at me, with all the trust and wonderment that only a child can possess my heart melts. I weep. Often. Like a little girl. With a baby. Only I am a woman, with my child, my heart. *sigh* I'd better go check on him, make sure he's still breathing. You do that. With a baby. It's ridiculous. I've been known to wake him up, just to put my mind at ease. Poor thing.

Entry #16

or some number. I'm not sure why I thought that using 'Entry #...' was a good idea.
8 more days. holy shyza. There is a feeling that comes and goes that I'm not going to make it through to my wedding. My life is such a chaotic gong how lately, I'm having difficulty deciphering between my head and my ever growing ass. It almost like the wedding will be a pleasant relief, a sign that the week is over. You may ask, what can be causing such grief. How can a usually level-headed woman be so up-in-arms 8 days from her wedding? Stupid school. That's all I have to say. They had no consideration, when planning the schedule, that one of their students may also be planning their wedding. The week before the big day, the powers-that-be decided that giving SEVEN final exams in THREE days might be a gas. A walk in the park, if you will. I'm not entirely sure where to start.
My typically calm and predictable life has been turned upside down. I'm snappy, (believe it or not...), moody, prone to crying at the sight of a chipped nail, amongst other such insubstantial things. Some thought it a good idea that I get my hair 'done' for the wedding. They seem to not trust my styling skillz. Another thought I needed some make-up 'tips'. Where did that idea come from? Yet another dear friend inquired after my 'bouquet' - to which I replied 'Whaddidya call me?' This wedding-speak is another language. So now it seems, I have a make-up appointment next Thursday (scheduled between Healing and Professional Growth), a hair appointment on Saturday at 11am, and a 'bouquet' or whatdidya call it is arriving, via Tsawassen ferry terminal on Friday. Why I oughta.......

#15

It's hard to believe that in three weeks, I'll be married. Sometimes it just kind of hits me, that I've met someone totally amazing, and we're to be married. I seriously never thought I'd see the day. I used to be so content to be single, and I was never worried about the idea of NOT being married, like some girls do. The thought never really crossed my mind. Ok, the doubt never crossed my mind. And then came Michael, and my whole world changed. It's like I've known him forever, and I can't picture my life without him in it. He knows me, accepts me, and loves me so much. It shows in everything he does. I know I'm the luckiest person alive, and I think this is one of the moments where it's hitting me.
There hasn't been a trace of a doubt about this marriage. I've got no cold feet, no second thoughts, no doubts at all. And he hasn't either, you see we talk about these things, always wondering what the other is thinking and feeling. We're both nervous, anxious and worried about the actual wedding, something not going right, someone uninvited showing up etc etc. We are both fully aware that we'll probably bawl through the entire ceremony. We've chosen really emotional vows.....probably our biggest mistake, seeing as we're wet eyed on a good day! We know our guests will understand, and we're considering sending a copy of our vows out to guests so they'll know what's happening! In all seriousness, I'm pretty sure we need to practice before the 'big day'.
I'm really looking forward to having all our friends together too! There are friends that have never met, or only met once or twice, and it's going to be a blast!
Then we'll be married.

#14

1/2 way through week five of school. It's getting interesting. And I don't mean the content, that's always been good. It seems that there are some students who are struggling more than I thought. At least three, possibly four, students are already on academic probation, two of them sit beside me, it's like an ice cream sandwich, if it were spelled ice creem samwidch. Nice girls, just not too smrt. I've been trying to help one of them (the one I like better, although not that much), because helping her helps me too. But when she decides that going for a smoke is more important than learning a positive-feedback loop 5 minutes before the test starts, well, I've better things to do. I attended an additional study group that is being provided by the school for our Anatomy and Physiology class, the class in which many are failing, and the instructor looks at me and says 'Sarah, I'm surprised to see you here'. Kinda made me feels good, a little action for the ego. It's not that I'm doing poorly, rather I'm doing quite well, but free tutoring? How can I say no? It was interesting to see that at least one of the students on Academic probation chose to not attend the tutoring session, although it is one of the items in her 'contract'. interesting......
I didn't intend to set this blog in this tone, it's not like me to vent and pass judgments on others, especially those that are struggling. I apologize.
In other news, 7 weeks until my wedding! Rings are in hand, caterer in order, JP waits in the wings, all guests have RSVP's, with only two declines. Dress etc is in closet, shoes bought, hair cut, all that 'stuff'. I remember when Michael proposed, and the wedding seemed like ages away, seven months actually. Now it's the next day and it's seven weeks! Yikes! I'll be married. How weird will that be?

#13

I've come to realize that, although I love Canada, and am very fortunate to live here, I am not in the least patriotic, and usually can't remember the words to our national anthem. And also I don't capitalize the word national. My disloyalty came to light on the day of our independence, July 1. M and I were walking downtown (our Provinces capital city, all decked out in red and white - retch), and, noticing all the patriots with faces painted like Maple Leafs, and shirts with some pro-Canadian slogan across them, I felt distinctly out of place. I pushed my way through the crowds of LoJo, desperately trying to get to Market Square so I could scarf down some vegan cuisine. I almost felt like cursing A Channel who had held up the sidewalk so two tourists in large hats could sing (from a sheet of words) O Canada. (Oh Canada?)
That same evening, fighting our way downtown AGAIN to watch fireworks. What a sham. I'll post here what I didn't post on Facebook, my rather, erhm, uncensored display of unpatriotic behaviour.

#12

One week down, 49 to go! I'm not sure if I'm going to include my practicum weeks in my countdown or not. If I take those weeks out, the figure is much more appealing, although unrealistic. 49 weeks isn't so bad, that's only 245 days.....minus stat holidays.....236 days to go. I guess 235 now, seeing as I had class yesterday. It'll fly by.....*gulp*
I go to class 5 hours a day, and have between 2-4 hours of homework a day. I don't do much of anything else right now. I had my first quiz yesterday, 96%; only one wrong. And the kicker? I knew the answer. We were doing a little cramming prior to the test, and another student asked what 'thorac' was, because it wasn't in our notes or text. I suggested that it means 'Thoracic' as in our thoracic cavity. Test time? I answered 'throat'. Wrong. It means Chest. or thoracic. Quiz number #2 coming up, in about 1.5 hours.
I foresee some students in my program not making it to the end. There is already grumblings and complaining of the course load, and many students are ill-prepared for quizzes; two that I know of failed. A 'fail' is less than 70%.
I'm enjoying it, the information is really interesting, I'm already learning loads. I've learned one thing for sure, I loathe Chemistry. I don't give a shit if Hydrogen Chloride is negatively charged or how dehydration synthesis works. Really, I don't care. The instructor emphasizes and tells us it will soon 'just come naturally'. I don't believe her. I'm pretty sure she's lying.

#11

Wow, I can't believe it's here already. School start = 115minutes.
I wonder if I would be more excited if I didn't just finish courses? I am so grateful to be done my program; it ended on a sour note. I skipped my convocation. I went dancing instead. I believe it was much more gratifying than sitting in an auditorium in Esquimalt.
I am excited to meet my classmates, hopefully gain some new friends! I have been thinking about my social circle lately, and the wonderful people that I have met and befriended in Victoria. I miss my friends in Vancouver very much, and it was initially hard to open myself to new people, I think because I still felt close to Vancouver. But now that I am finally realizing that I will never move back there, I have to ground myself on the island. To me that included having support close by. My friends will never be replaced, every one of them holds a special place in my life. I have people in my life for particular reasons, sometimes that reason is clear from meeting, sometimes it becomes clear, and some have yet to be seen!
I met a wonderful man on Friday night, we were dancing and he arrived with J from school. He is her husband. He and I were talking about school and life and choices, and I was amazed how similar our values and ideas are. We are years apart, and have vastly different histories, but we are so connected. We were almost able to finish each others sentences, our conversation was intimate yet lively. It is not often that we meet people that we have an instant connection with. I don't believe that I will see him again, but for that instant, in that moment, on some level he gave me exactly what I needed.